DIY Seinfeld Moments

Image by Zesmerelda via FlickrThe DIY ("do it yourself") movement has empowered many consumers to build their own additions. fix their own plumbing, and pimp their own rides. A little known subset of the DIY movement is what I call "DIY Seinfeld Moments." Read on for this free, exclusive tutorial.

Bill of Materials:
Kindly midwest girlfriend - Check
Active/aggressive east coast boyfriend - Check (that's me)
Pizza joint hopping with busy suburban uber-moms - Check
Uber toddlers, wearing Crocks (Crox?) - Check

Instructions:
Sit down to enjoy pizza on a nice Friday eveneing with your lovely girlfriend. Locate seat near busy aisle of traffic. Initiate consumption.

As the uber-mom (with uber-toddler on hip) walks past your table, notice how the uber-mom stops at your table to ensure her flock of other uber-toddlers are following. When uber-mom pivots, see how uber-toddler's Crock foot lands in the middle of your pizza. (read that again).

As uber-toddler Crock, now covered in mozzarella and tomato sauce leaves pizza, promptly inform uber-mom about said pizza crockprint.

Raise volume of voice to uber-mom to get her attention as she tries to leave scene. Casually ignore kindly midwest girlfriend giving you "stare of death."

Upon uber-mom's return, decribe said crockprint. Describe again, then again until understood.

Kindly refuse answer to uber-mom's question of , "What do you want me to do?" and wish her a pleasant evening.

Avoid sleeping on the couch by accepting kindly midwestern girlfriend's barbs of inappropriateness.

Rinse and repeat.