Heavy Metal

Lead.

It’s a substance common in bullets, fishing weighs, and Zeppelins. Due to (1) lax quality control procedures by US companies outsourcing work to China and (2) the abysmal environmental disaster that is China’s manufacturing sector, we can now find lead in toys and even lipstick.

Lead poisoning is serious business. According to WebMD, “Too much lead in the body can cause irreversible problems in growth and development in children, including behavior problems, hearing problems, learning problems, and slowed growth.”

In other words, lead makes us stupid. And potentially obnoxious. Permanently.

Sound familiar? Isn’t this how the rest of the world sees Americans? The “Ugly American” is stereotyped as loud, ignorant, and uncultured... Sometimes sunburned and wearing a fanny-pack. I was once offended by this generalization, but after multiple jaunts across the globe, have realized that, in general, it appears to be true.

Some illustrative Ugly American anecdotes from my domestic and international travels:

• Three 30ish stoner dudes, in Thailand, LOUDLY cursing and discussing during a 2 hour ferry ride how many times they had been hit by cars
• A Minnesota man explaining to his son that the Muslim women from Somalia he had seen at the state fair wore headdresses because they were from Arabia;
• A fraternity brother of mine who had a bad habit of humping statues;
• Me, mistakenly ordering a Danish. In Denmark. (I was 13, sorry.)

(If you have interesting Ugly American anecdotes to share, please comment.)

Let’s face it.

The collective intelligence of Americans fits a wide bell curve with a large standard deviation (nerd words!). We house a great diversity of intellect. And yes, we can be loud and obnoxious. However, I’m beginning to believe that it’s really not our fault that we act in such a way.

We may now be able to blame China.